Telling Coworkers About Your Stutter - What to Say and How to Ask for Support

You Do Not Have to Give Everyone the Same Answer About Telling People at Work That You Stutter

From about two people before your turn comes up in the morning meeting, your head fills with whether the first word will come out. When the phone rings, the first thing that comes to mind is yourself getting stuck on the first sound of the company name. When you work with a stutter, there are days when "how to get through the speaking moments" takes more of your energy than the work itself.

Whether to tell people at work that you stutter is not a choice between "telling everyone" and "telling no one." There are many forms in between: telling only your boss, telling only the two or three people in your desk cluster, or passing on only the request to be taken off phone duty without going into the reason. Which one to choose is realistically decided by how your stutter shows up and the kinds of speaking situations at that workplace.

Telling people is one form of self-disclosure, letting others know something about yourself. If it goes well, the people around you may start waiting quietly when you get stuck, and the energy you were spending on hiding the blocks may come back to your work. On the other hand, telling people without choosing whom can create a different set of problems, such as being treated with too much caution or being taken out of speaking opportunities altogether.

For how stuttering itself works and how to come to terms with it, see the article "Living with Stuttering - Facing the Fear of Words That Won't Come Out."

Tell, Don't Tell, or Tell Only Some People - A Decision Table by Workplace Situation

The clues for deciding are three things about each situation: "can you rephrase," "are you pressed for time," and "how many listeners are there." Your own name, the company name, and set greeting phrases cannot be swapped for other words. On the phone, the other person cannot see your face, and silence is taken as "the line has dropped." Meetings and morning gatherings have many listeners, which makes the time you ask people to wait feel heavier. Laying it out by situation shows whom you need to tell what.

If, as in the top four rows of the table, you handle situations almost every day where you cannot rephrase and there are many listeners, it makes sense to tell at least your boss. Conversely, if your speaking situations are about as much as one-on-one meetings and work does not stop when you get stuck, choosing to work without telling anyone is also a perfectly valid option.

Each of the three forms has situations it suits and does not suit.

The third one, "avoiding speaking situations on your own," progresses without your noticing. When it builds up in forms such as not picking up when the phone rings or holding back from speaking in meetings, it can become a reason you are seen as less capable than you really are. Especially if you have decided not to tell, it helps to count from time to time how many situations you are avoiding, as a guide to when to change your approach.

Why Do You Stutter Only at Work When You Can Talk at Home?

You can talk normally with family and friends, but once you get to work, your words suddenly get stuck. Because of that, some people doubt themselves, wondering "is this really stuttering, or just nerves?", and keep it to themselves. But stuttering can show up differently depending on the person and the situation, and the fact that it appears only at work does not make it made up or a sign of being spoiled.

Talking at work comes with several conditions stacked together that differ from conversations at home or with friends.

• The words are fixed. Set phrases such as the company name, your department name, your own name, and the standard polite greeting "Osewa ni natte orimasu" cannot be switched to other words, even when you feel a block coming
• There is time pressure. The first words on the phone, speaking time in meetings, the line at the counter, and so on are set up so that silence feels long
• There is a sense of being evaluated. When you feel that even the way you speak is being judged as part of your work performance, the panic when you get stuck grows
• There is the burden of hiding. If you keep avoiding and rephrasing words you might get stuck on, your mind goes into reselecting words rather than into what you are saying

Laid out like this, you can see that some of the conditions that make blocks more likely lie not with the speaker but in how the situation is built. That is why making your request to the workplace in the form of "please change this condition in this situation a little," rather than "please do something about my stuttering," can sometimes make it easier for others to act. For example, if you get stuck on the company name, you could agree that it is fine to start the first words with "Hello," or if speaking time in meetings is a burden, you could put the key points in writing first.

You do not have to use the fact that it appears only at work as material for blaming yourself. The stronger the embarrassment, the more that feeling pushes you toward "wanting to hide it," and it becomes easy to fall into a cycle where the more you hide, the scarier the situations where you get stuck become.

How Should You Tell Your Boss When Asking for Accommodations?

What matters in how you tell your boss is not making the explanation of stuttering long but presenting, concretely and one at a time, the situation that troubles you and the form of help you want. If you stop at "I stutter," your boss may not know what to do and may lean toward an extreme accommodation, such as simply taking you off all speaking work. If you show the form yourself, it can also make it easier for your boss to decide.

In legal terms, Article 36-3 of the Act on the Promotion of Employment of Persons with Disabilities requires employers to take the measures needed for workers with disabilities to carry out their duties smoothly, in consideration of the characteristics of their disabilities. However, cases where this would place an excessive burden on the employer are excluded. Whether your own stutter falls under this law depends on factors such as the degree of limitation in working, and it cannot be stated uniformly here. Rather than bringing up the name of the system first, there are situations where talking about it as a concrete request like the ones below makes it easier to start the conversation.

Sample Wording for Asking About Phone Duties

"I'd like to talk to you about something. I stutter, and I sometimes get stuck on the company name when I first answer the phone. I feel bad about keeping customers waiting, so would it be possible for me to take fewer first-answer calls and, in exchange, take on more email replies and document preparation? I can handle calling people back and transferring calls within the company without any problem."

The key is to put what you cannot do and what you can do instead in the same sentence. If you stop at "I can't do phones," it may sound as if you just want less work, but if you add the work you can take on, you can talk about it as a discussion of how tasks are divided.

Sample Wording for Asking About the Format of Presentations and Reports

"I have a request about the report at the regular meeting. I stutter, and I tend to get stuck when reading numbers aloud in front of people. Could I share the key points of the report in the materials by the day before, and focus on adding details and answering questions on the day? It's not that I want to be taken off speaking altogether."

The last sentence is there to keep you from being taken off presentations entirely in the name of consideration. Make it clear in your own words whether you want fewer speaking situations or a different way of speaking. As for preparing for situations where you speak in front of people as such, setting it up separately as a way of getting ready for presentations can also make the burden on the day lighter.

A Short Line to Tell Coworkers

With coworkers, you do not need to go into as much detail as with your boss. Just telling the people who sit near you or share the phones with you something like the lines below can change the atmosphere when you get stuck.

• "I stutter, so sometimes my words get stuck. If you can just wait when that happens, I'll be fine"
• "If I stop in the middle of talking, it helps if you listen until I finish. You don't need to say it for me"
• "If I get stuck on the phone, I'll signal with my eyes, so could you take over?"

Each one includes only one thing you want the other person to do. If you start explaining the causes of your stuttering or your own history, the other person may take it as a heavy confession and end up unsure how to treat you.

How to Take It When a Coworker Seems Irritated, and What the People Around You Can Do

While you are stuck, the other person sighed, looked away, or rushed you with "So, what?" Reactions like that stay in your head for days. What helps when taking them in is to think separately about what the other person's irritation is aimed at.

If the other person is simply busy and pressed for time, the irritation is aimed not at your stuttering but at the situation. If they misunderstand you as "fooling around" or "unprepared" because they do not know about stuttering, there is room for things to change with just a word. On the other hand, if actions such as imitating the way you speak, making fun of you in meetings, or making snide remarks every time you get stuck continue, that is not something to let slide but something you can treat as a problem of workplace relationships. Tell your boss or HR concretely when, who, and what was said, and ask for help.

When it is hard to talk within the company, you can consult Kokoro no Mimi (phone / LINE support for workers) by phone or social media. Because it is a service with set hours, at night or on days off you can use the Yorisoi Hotline, which is available 24 hours a day. When you are unsure whether teasing or harassment counts as a violation of human rights, you can also consult the Ministry of Justice's Human Rights Hotline (0570-003-110). You can check which services are open right now at Helplines Open Now.

What Coworkers Can Do at Work

For people who work with a coworker who stutters, the basics of what to keep in mind are three: "wait," "do not jump ahead," and "keep your eye contact natural." At work, though, there are situations where each of these is hard to judge.

"Calm down" is a kind thing to say, but to the person it can come across as a signal that "your blocks are noticeable." When in doubt, the surest way is to ask the person directly "what would you like me to do." Even among people who stutter, some want you to wait and some want you to take over when they get stuck.

Small Steps You Can Try on Your Workdays Before Deciding Whether to Tell

• On days you go to work, jot down briefly the situations and words where you got stuck. The first words on the phone, the greeting at the morning meeting, numbers in meetings, and so on: a pattern in the situations will start to show
• Choose just the one situation that troubles you most and try putting your request to your boss into one sentence, in the form "I'd like to take fewer first-answer calls and take on X instead"
• Try telling just one coworker who is easy to talk to only that you would like them to wait when you get stuck

If you tell one person and their reaction is calm, you can widen the circle little by little, and if things work without telling, that is also one answer. Whichever form you choose, you can change it later.

Continuing in a job with many speaking situations is not the only path, either. Even within a workplace, there is work where you can show your abilities without saying words aloud, such as preparing documents, doing research, and communicating in writing. Taking in the idea of drawing out your strengths through a quieter way of working can sometimes let you reframe having fewer speaking situations not as a weakness but as the place where your strengths lie.