When People at Work Stare at Your Eczema - How to Respond to Hurtful Remarks and When to Seek Help

Why It Hurts When People at Work Stare at Your Eczema

In a meeting room, the projector light falls on the back of your hand, and the eyes of the person next to you stop there for a moment. At lunch you cannot roll up your sleeves, so you eat in long sleeves even though it is hot. On your way out, you turn around to check whether white flakes are left on the black seat of your chair. The hardest part of working with atopic eczema is less the itching or the pain itself than the buildup of small checks like these.

There is not much you need to explain to people at work. All that is needed is two points, "it is not contagious" and "I am being treated," plus, if there is something you want to ask for in your work, just what that is. You have no obligation to give a detailed explanation of the condition or to justify why it got worse, even if someone asks. At the same time, you do not have to silently put up with every remark. Depending on the kind of remark, there is a clear split between what you can let slide, what is better corrected briefly, and what should be recorded and taken to someone for help.

The Japanese Dermatological Association's Q&A for the public describes atopic dermatitis as a chronic, itchy eczema that arises when various irritants and allergic reactions are added on top of dry skin and an impaired skin barrier. Some people find that confirming for themselves how the condition develops makes them less likely to be pulled along by other people's reactions.

Even so, the reason it still wears you down has to do with the nature of the workplace. You spend long hours every day with the same people, you are in a position of being evaluated, and you cannot easily walk away even when things get awkward. A stare from a school friend or a passerby is over in one go, but the stares of people at work continue tomorrow and the day after. That is exactly why it makes sense to have, in advance, ways to respond in the moment and a line for when it goes on for a long time. Caring for the skin itself is left to the article on the everyday care that helps prevent flare-ups, and this one focuses on how to deal with people at work.

How to Respond When Someone Says "Gross" or "Is It Contagious?" - A Quick Guide by Remark

A question that comes simply from not knowing, advice meant kindly, teasing, an outright insult. Having a response ready for each can sometimes cut down the time you spend freezing on the spot and then going over it again and again for days afterward.

The top three rows of the table and the bottom two are handled differently. The upper rows are remarks that come from the other person not knowing the situation, so handing over a single sentence of fact is enough. If it feels awkward to state in your own words whether it is contagious, passing it on as your doctor's words, as in the table's "My doctor has told me…," is enough. What matters is not to start telling your medical history in order to ease the other person's worry. The longer the explanation, the more likely the other person is to take it as permission to keep asking. The "You've got flakes falling" in between is a statement of fact, so you can let it pass, but if it is repeated in front of others, tell them one-on-one that the problem is how it is said.

The bottom rows will not stop no matter how much knowledge you add. Explaining how skin works to someone who said "gross" will not get through, because the purpose of those words is to put you down. What is needed here is not correction but a clear statement that you want them to stop talking that way, and a record. Even if you could not answer back on the spot, that is not weakness. Being too surprised to speak is a natural reaction, and recording and seeking help can still be done perfectly well afterward.

Being told "It smells" is a remark that can cut especially deep, because it is something you worry about yourself. If you are concerned about the smell of oozing or ointment, that is a matter of your body that your doctor can help you find ways to deal with, and it does not make what was said fair. Please think about caring for your body and dealing with the words separately.

When You Worry About Coworkers' Eyes in Meetings, at Meals, and in Uniform

Standing in Front of People in Meetings and Presentations

Presenting when redness shows on your face or neck can make you lose your train of thought, because it feels as if people are looking at your skin rather than at what you are saying. If it bothers you, you can use ways of directing the audience's eyes to the material, such as sharing your screen and standing beside the slides, or, online, saying briefly, "I'd like to keep my camera off today." If the date of an important presentation is set, telling your doctor that "I have an event where I'll be in front of people" lets you discuss how to time your treatment for that day.

Having Your Sleeves and Hands Looked At over Lunch or at Drinking Parties

Meals put people close together, and the backs of your hands and your fingertips easily catch the eye. If trying to hide the parts that look like chapped skin makes even the way you hold your chopsticks awkward, you do not need to keep forcing yourself to join. You can make some days when you eat lunch alone at your desk or outside, and some people find it easier to have a reason ready, such as "because of a medical appointment," for leaving drinking parties early. Changing how you socialize between periods when you feel unwell and periods when you feel fine is not selfishness.

When a Uniform, Short Sleeves, or Work Clothes Expose Your Skin

The burden is heaviest in workplaces where the dress code leaves your arms or neck exposed. Just being allowed to wear something under the uniform, such as long-sleeved undershirts, arm covers, or high-necked clothing, removes one source of hesitation when choosing clothes every morning. Some materials can irritate the skin, so asking your doctor "what kinds of fabric I can wear" before you ask the company makes the conversation concrete.

Facing People in Customer Service or at Clients' Offices

In jobs where you appear in front of customers, the worry of whether you are making them uncomfortable is added. Discussing adjustments in advance, such as being moved to behind-the-scenes work only during flare-ups or checking whether you may use a mask or gloves, can sometimes keep you from panicking when your skin gets worse. As for the feeling itself of finding it hard to appear in front of people because of rough skin on your face, the article on acne, "When You're Afraid to Show Your Face," also overlaps in part.

Should You Tell Your Boss About Your Eczema, and How Much Should You Say?

Whether to tell your boss is not decided by how severe your skin condition is. The deciding factor is whether there is something you want to ask for in your work. If there is nothing you want to ask for and the remarks of those around you are not a problem, you can leave it untold. If there is something you want to ask for, or troubling remarks keep coming, telling makes it easier to act.

The name of the condition, the age at which it started, the reasons it got worse, and the medicines you use are not needed for the other person to adjust your work. All your boss needs is information on what to change, and how, so that the work gets done. If you say too much, you will no longer be able to control how far it spreads if it later reaches your coworkers.

Examples of How to Ask

Ask for about 10 minutes for a meeting and speak along these lines, for example: "I have a chronic skin condition that I'm continuing to treat. It's not something that spreads to other people. There are periods when it tends to get worse, and if I could have once or twice a month for appointments and a seat where the air conditioning doesn't blow directly on me, it would be easier for me to focus on my work." If you add at the end, "I'd appreciate it if this could stay with only the people who need to know," the other person will also understand that you have decided the scope of the information yourself.

After telling them in person, sending a short email summarizing what you asked for means the arrangement will be passed on even if the person in charge changes. If your boss reacted coldly, or if anything was said that suggested lowering your evaluation because you asked, make that itself something to record, as described in the next section.

Whether to Tell Your Coworkers

With coworkers, you have no obligation either to tell or not to tell. If you tell just one person you are close to, they become an ally who will say for you, "It's not contagious," when something is said behind your back. On the other hand, holding a session to explain to everyone tends to make your skin the center of conversation instead. You can limit the people you tell to those you trust.

Where Can You Turn When Hurtful Remarks Continue? - Records and the Line for Seeking Help

Treat a single thoughtless comment and repeated remarks separately. If it happens once, you can let it pass using the responses in the table. If any of the following applies, you are past the stage of taking it on alone.

• The same person has said similar things about your skin two or more times
• It was said in front of others, in a way other people could hear
• It is not one person, such as several people laughing, giving you a nickname, or imitating you
• You were left out of meetings, customer work, or drinking parties because of your skin
• It is showing up in your body, such as feeling sick before work or being unable to sleep

What to Record

A record is the foundation that keeps you from being brushed off with "maybe you're imagining it" when you seek help, so on the same day, write down the date, who said it, and the exact words as they were said, without summarizing. For the details of how to keep records and how to choose where to get help, see the article on how to keep evidence of workplace harassment and where to get help.

The Order of Places to Turn

The law requires companies to put in place the systems needed to respond to workers' consultations about workplace power harassment and to deal with them appropriately, and it also prohibits unfavorable treatment such as dismissal because a worker sought help (Article 31 of the Act on the Comprehensive Promotion of Labor Policies). If your company has an internal help desk, start by taking your records there. If the person making the remarks is your boss and there is no one in the company you can talk to, or if nothing is done after you seek help, use an outside service.

• If you want to talk about the mental strain of work, the Ministry of Health, Labour and Welfare's Kokoro no Mimi (phone / LINE support for workers). Set hours apply
• If you want to raise it as discriminatory behavior based on illness or appearance, the Ministry of Justice's Human Rights Hotline (0570-003-110)

If you want to talk to someone at night or on a day off, the Yorisoi Hotline is available 24 hours a day. When you are not sure where to call, Helplines Open Now lets you find services that are taking calls right now. You do not have to wait until your records are complete to seek help.

Sorting Things Out So You Do Not Blame Yourself for Your Eczema

Remarks hurt partly because they overlap with voices already inside you. "It's my fault for scratching." "If only I had taken better care of it." "I'm making the people around me uncomfortable." When self-blaming voices like these are there, someone else's comment can sound like proof that backs them up.

What is worth separating here is the state of your body and how others treat you. Your skin being inflamed is a matter of your body, something you deal with through treatment and care. Being called "gross" is a problem with the other person's behavior, and it is not justified no matter how bad your skin is. The more a remark comes during a flare-up, the easier it is to take it as your own fault, but that is not where the responsibility lies.

In periods when work stress piles up because of your skin, you may be spending more energy on how to keep your distance from people than on the work itself. When you want to rethink the burden of relationships from their structure, the article on ways of thinking that protect you at work can also help.

When you finish reading, pick the one row in the quick guide with the remark you hear most often, and try saying its one-sentence response out loud. One more thing: if there is something you want to ask your boss for, check which row of the decision table it falls under and set a date to request a meeting, and that will prepare you for when the remarks come.