How to Become a Better Listener and Earn Trust
This is about a 3-minute read.
Why Listening Skills Matter
In communication, speaking ability tends to get all the attention, but it is actually listening that determines the quality of relationships. Harvard University research has shown that people who converse with good listeners experience increased self-esteem and greater trust toward the listener.
Listening is not an innate talent but a skill that can be consciously developed. By practicing in everyday conversations, anyone can become a better listener. As your listening skills improve, positive changes appear across your work productivity, family relationships, and friendships.
Traits of Poor Listeners
Thinking About What to Say Next
For example, many people think about what they will say next while the other person is still talking. This is merely "pretending to listen," catching only the surface of the other person's words while missing their emotions and intentions.
Sales professionals with strong listening skills achieve approximately 25% higher close rates according to industry surveys.
Rushing to Give Advice
When someone shares a problem, there is a tendency to immediately offer solutions. However, in most cases, what the other person wants is not a solution but to feel understood. Premature advice leaves the impression that "they didn't really listen to me."
Redirecting the Conversation to Yourself
The pattern of saying "I know what you mean, let me tell you about my experience" shifts the conversation to yourself. Even though the intention is to show empathy, it effectively takes the conversation away from the other person.
Five Active Listening Techniques
1. Show You Are Listening with Your Whole Body
For instance, the foundation of listening is nonverbal communication. Face the speaker, maintain appropriate eye contact, and put your smartphone face down. These physical cues send the message "I am fully focused on what you are saying." Psychologist Albert Mehrabian's research suggests that 93% of communication consists of nonverbal elements.
2. Use Acknowledgments and Summaries to Show Understanding
Responses like "I see" or "That must have been tough" give the speaker a sense of security. Even more effective is summarizing what they said in your own words. A summary like "So you're saying the deadline pressure has been keeping you up at night" makes the speaker feel accurately understood.
3. Ask Open-Ended Questions
Instead of closed questions that can be answered with "yes" or "no," ask open-ended questions like "How did that make you feel?" or "What was the specific situation?" Open-ended questions give the other person an opportunity to explore their thoughts and feelings more deeply.
4. Do Not Fear Silence
Silence in conversation is uncomfortable for many people. However, silence is valuable time for the other person to organize their thoughts. Rather than rushing to fill the silence, adopt a posture of waiting for the other person to speak at their own pace.
5. Suspend Judgment
If you internally judge the speaker's words with thoughts like "That's wrong" or "I would do it differently," your listening stance breaks down. Focus first on fully understanding the other person's perspective, and save evaluation and judgment for later. In Carl Rogers' person-centered therapy, this "unconditional positive regard" is considered the foundation of trust.
Daily Practice for Building Listening Skills
Listening skills can be practiced in small everyday moments. Put your phone away during family meals and focus on the conversation. Listen to a colleague without interrupting until they finish. Pay attention to a cashier's words during a brief exchange. These small, consistent practices steadily improve your listening ability.
Reading specialized books on listening skills can help you learn techniques more systematically.
Changes That Better Listening Brings
As your listening skills improve, people around you will share more with you. With more information flowing your way, you can make better decisions at work, and deeper trust is built in your personal life. (Related books may also help)
Listening also transforms your inner world. Exposure to diverse perspectives broadens your thinking and increases your flexibility. Practical books on communication skills can also help elevate the quality of your daily conversations.
Key Takeaways
- Traits of Poor Listeners
- Five Active Listening Techniques
- Daily Practice for Building Listening Skills
- Thinking About What to Say Next
Knowing the Limits of Listening
Listening is not a cure-all. When someone talks at you endlessly or becomes emotionally aggressive, continuing to listen can drain you. Maintaining appropriate boundaries while listening is also an important skill for good listeners. Managing your own energy while staying present for others is the key to sustainable listening.