Coping with Low Male Libido - The Suffering of "Not Wanting It as a Man"

About a 3 min read.

The Myth That "Men Always Want Sex"

The social assumption that "men always want sex" inflicts a double burden on men whose desire has waned. On top of the distress of having no desire, they face the self-doubt of wondering whether they are "failures as men."

In reality, low male libido is far from rare. A European Association of Urology survey found that roughly 15 to 25% of men aged 40 to 80 report decreased desire. In recent years, consultations about low libido among men in their 20s and 30s have also been on the rise.

Causes of Low Male Libido

Testosterone Decline

Testosterone is the primary driver of male desire. After age 30, testosterone drops by about 1 to 2% per year. Beyond aging, however, obesity, sleep deprivation, chronic stress, and heavy drinking also lower testosterone. Visceral fat in particular contains high levels of aromatase, an enzyme that converts testosterone to estrogen, making obesity a significant risk factor for low libido.

Psychological Factors

Work stress, depression, anxiety disorders, and relationship problems with a partner. Male desire is heavily influenced by psychological factors, yet the prejudice that "men don't lose desire for mental reasons" prevents recognition of psychological causes. Approximately 70% of men with depression reportedly experience a decline in libido. (Books on male sexuality can deepen your understanding)

Medication Side Effects

SSRIs (antidepressants), finasteride (an AGA treatment), antihypertensives, and opioid painkillers are well-known medications with libido-lowering side effects. Finasteride in particular has been linked to "post-finasteride syndrome," in which sexual function effects persist even after discontinuation.

Excessive Pornography Consumption

Multiple studies have shown that excessive internet pornography consumption can reduce sexual interest in a real-life partner. The brain becomes accustomed to the unrealistic stimulation of pornography, making it difficult to achieve sufficient arousal in real sexual situations.

How to Cope

1. Visit a Urologist

Measuring testosterone levels is a simple blood test. If free testosterone falls below the reference range, testosterone replacement therapy (TRT) becomes an option. However, TRT carries side effects, so thorough consultation with a specialist is essential.

2. Improve Your Lifestyle

Strength training - especially compound exercises like squats and deadlifts that engage large muscle groups - raises testosterone. Adequate sleep (7 to 9 hours), maintaining a healthy weight, and limiting excessive alcohol form the foundation for libido recovery.

3. Be Honest with Your Partner

If you keep hiding your low desire, your partner may misinterpret it as "I'm not attractive enough." Telling them honestly, "My desire has been low lately, but it's a separate issue from my love for you," eases their anxiety and creates a framework for tackling the problem together. (Books on partnerships can also be helpful)

4. Let Go of the "Masculinity" Trap

The strength of your desire does not define your worth as a man. The belief that "always wanting sex" is a prerequisite for manhood is a form of toxic masculinity. Desire fluctuates, and a decline is perfectly natural as a human being.

Summary

Low male libido is not a shameful secret but a treatable issue. Identify the cause, review your lifestyle, talk with your partner, and seek medical help if needed. Freeing yourself from the trap of "but I'm a man" is the first step toward recovery.